Simon Collyer
Happy New Year 2017
Happy New Year everyone. We will be back soon after the Christmas break. We do wish everyone a Happy New Year.
This is the New Year arriving in Australia. No understatement their!!!
Image: Sydney Harbour Bridge New Year 2017
Merry Christmas Everyone
A very Happy Christmas to our growing audence and membership base. We thank you for all your support in 2016 and a special warm wishes to those who also follow us on Twitter.
Lots to do in the New Year with out student team and we would like to say a special thanks to the Essex University, Student Union VTeam, Tomas Kasiulis and long time supporter and best friend Christopher Johnson. There are many more who have helped us and we are looking forward to an exciting year. Do have a great Christmas, even if it is in reduced circumstances.
Remembering George Carlin
The late George Carlin was a comedy genius.
The man who once said “life is worth losing” is dead. But his quotes live on.
In no particular order here are his 101 best…
- I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
- Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
- A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
- Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
- I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
- I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.
- You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
- If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
- Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.
- There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
- The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
- The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
- Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
- If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.
- If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
- You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
- Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
- As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
- If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
- The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
- I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.
- You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
- I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
- I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
- Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
- I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
- I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
- I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
- So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.
- Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.
- Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
- I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
- Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
- Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
- God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
- I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
- One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
- If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?
- What year did Jesus think it was?
- George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
- Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
- In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
- Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
- “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
- No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.
- Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.
- The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.
- The future will soon be a thing of the past.
- The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
- The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
- Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
- The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
- Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
- “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
- Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
- And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.
- Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
- Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
- I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
- Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.
- The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
- If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
- “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
- Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
- “No comment” is a comment.
- If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
- You can’t argue with a good blowjob.
- Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
- So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
- Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
- Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
- When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
- The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
- I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
- If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
- Hooray for most things!
- Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
- I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
- Life is a zero sum game.
- Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
- I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
- It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Christmas Pudding Inflation Blamed on BREXIT
Christmas pudding fans face the price of their favourite festive dessert rising sharply this Christmas in the wake of Britain voting to leave the EU says an SNP spokesperson.
A slump in the pound is behind the increased cost of Christmas pudding since many key ingredients such as dried fruit, spices, sugar and brandy are imported from abroad.
According to Mintec, the principal independent source of global pricing information for commodities and raw materials, the costs of Christmas pudding ingredients have risen by 21 per cent in 2016.
A Rabobank report looking at the impact of Brexit on beverage producers also noted the impact of a devalued British pound on drinks imports, such as port and brandy, and uncertainty over trade barriers creating an “overall negative effect” on the industry – further driving up prices.
Citrus peel and zest are key components in Christmas pudding recipes and experts suggest that the UK could face higher tariffs on oranges and lemons outside of the EU. Festive flavourings such as cinnamon, nutmeg and mixed spice could also see additional charges levied on imports.
It was common practice to include small silver coins in the pudding mixture, which could be kept by the person whose serving included them. Silver cons have died out however. The Christmas Pubbing was banned by the Puritans but the truly pious need to use thirteen ingredient to represent Jesus and his disciples, and all the family should take turns to stir the mix from East to West to represent the journey of the ‘Three Wise Men’.
Please download the recipe below:
Frank Field MP Leads Liverpool Bedroom Tax Challenge
A survey has been carried out by the Liverpool City Region child poverty and life chances commission four one of the largest housing associations in the Liverpool city region chaired by Birkenhead MP Frank Field.
The group is calling for an overhaul of the law and is also hoping to launch a legal appeal for families seeking exemption from the Bedroom Tax.
The controversial tax sees housing benefits slashed if residents are deemed to have unnecessary spare bedrooms, in a bid to free up larger homes.
The survey has revealed some shocking statistics:
- 112 families with children (83% of respondents to the survey) have cut back on their food budgets.
- 96 families with children (71%) have cut back on essential household bills, either by going without gas, electricity, and water, or by incurring additional debt on those bills.
- 67 families with children (49%) have resorted to payday loans, doorstep loans, credit cards, or store cards to get by from week to week.
- Among the examples of human suffering raised in evidence were:
- A parent who reported going “hungry or cold” on a number of occasions so they could both feed their child and make up the gap in rent that was opened up by the bedroom tax, “so I don’t lose my home.”
- A parent who wrapped herself and her daughter in several blankets to keep warm one evening, as they could not afford any gas.
- A parent in low-paid work who reported getting “deeper and deeper into debt.”
- A parent’s frequent dilemma between whether to “buy clothes for my daughter or pay bills.”
The report is downloadable below:
Activist Russell Brand Teams with Muslim For Christmas Food Aid Project
Muslims in London have donated 10 tonnes of food to feed the homeless.
The charity drive, organised by Muslim Aid and the East London Mosque in Whitechapel, saw hundreds of congregants arrive to Friday prayers bringing food donations
The food will be given to homeless charity Crisis, with more than 90 per cent going to non-Muslims. Activist and entertainer Russel Brand has been involved with the project.
Ian Richards, Head of Crisis at Christmas, said: “Every year, Crisis opens its doors to thousands of homeless people, offering a safe, warm welcome with food and companionship, as well as access to vital services and year-round opportunities.
Source: From an article in the Telegraph
Plea For Food Bank Donations Over Christmas
The public have been encouraged to donate to food banks over the Christmas period, with December seeing a surge in demand for food parcels for struggling families.
The Trussell Trust have said that demand for food parcels can rise by up to 53% in December in comparison to other months of the year.
Trussell Trust CEO David McAuley, said: “Winter is the hardest time of year for people living on the breadline; many will face stark choices between eating and heating.”
Academic research continues to show that the Conservative government’s benefit sanctions have had the effect of significantly increasing food poverty across the UK.
Research by the University of Glasgow has shown that the benefit sanctions regime imposed by the Conservative government has “detrimental financial, material, emotional and health impacts” and pushes those on JSA and ESA to rely on food banks.
A separate report by the University of Oxford found a “robust link” between the numbers of benefit sanctions and demand for food banks.
Sunseeker London Boat Show Invite
Well we have just recieved an invitation to the London Boat Show by Sunseeker (London) The London office based in mayfair near Claridges deals mainly with sales.
We know Sunseeker well and they are an amazing Company. The Company employ the best of the best for top craftsmen and boatbuilders.
Employment and Social Developments in Europe (ESDE) Finishes Year on a Bullish Tone
The latest annual review of Employment and Social Developments in Europe (ESDE) published today shows encouraging results. Around 3 million jobs have been created and employment has risen, pushing back poverty. However, unemployment remains high, with huge disparities across Member States. Labour markets and societies will need to adapt to new forms of work.
This year's Employment and Social Developments report – or shortly, 'ESDE' – focussed on employment as a means to tackle poverty, digitalisation and the changing world of work, the role of social dialogue, disparities among Member States and the integration of refugees in the labour market.
Commissioner for Employment, Social Affairs, Skills and Labour Mobility, Marianne Thyssen, commented: "This annual Review shows that our efforts of the last years are bearing fruit. Our economies continue to create jobs, and households saw their disposable incomes increase. However, many people who work are still poor, which shows that it is not just about creating jobs, but about creating quality jobs. In addition, societies and labour markets are changing, due to new technologies and new forms of work. These bring new opportunities, but also new challenges, and we need to ensure that no one is left behind. With the European Pillar of Social Rights and new initiatives in the framework of our New Skills Agenda, we aim at tackling these challenges head on."
Employment on the rise, pushing back poverty
The number of Europeans in work was the highest ever measured, reaching 232 million. Last year, three million jobs have been created, most of them permanent. Full-time employment effectively protects people against poverty in most cases. The share of the EU population at risk of poverty or social exclusion (23.7 %) is the lowest in five years.
However, still 8.6% of the Europeans are unemployed, and the Review highlights how difficult it has been in the post-crisis years (2008-2013) to return to employment: only about one in eight unemployed people managed to find permanent full-time employment within three years. Youth unemployment, still above 20%, remains a major concern.
Bah! Humbug - Rt Hon Damian Green MP Compared to Charles Dickens Ebenezer Scrooge
SNP MP Calls for benefit sanctions to be halted at Christmas time.
A Department for Work and Pensions whistleblower has told how mean-spirited bosses have demanded staff focus solely on handing out benefit sanctions over Christmas rather than sorting out appeals.
Hundreds of staff at the Northgate DWP centre in Glasgow have allegedly been asked to only give out sanctions until January 9th and not to process mandatory reconsiderations - where a claimant has asked for a decision, such as a sanction, to be looked at again - until next year. .
Anne McLaughlin MP, whose constituency of Glasgow North includes the centre, has asked Work and Pensions Secretary Damian Green to explain the reasoning behind the cruel guidance and called for all benefit sanctions to be halted at Christmas time.
Anne McLaughlin MP said:
“I have never heard anything so mean-spirited in my life and I am absolutely gobsmacked by the callousness of the directions being given to DWP staff just before Christmas. Nobody should have to endure the misery of having their benefits stopped at Christmas let alone face an increase in the likelihood of a sanction.
“For someone struggling to make ends meet, Christmas is always going to be a difficult time with lots of added financial pressure such as presents, festive activities and food but if a person is sanctioned in December they will be left with absolutely nothing - unless they can face going to the local foodbank.
“For someone to have their benefits stripped from them is bad enough but at this time of year it is truly wicked - they won’t be able to take their kids to see the Christmas lights because they won't have the bus fare. There won't be any chance of going to a local panto, often costing as little as £2, because if you're sanctioned over Christmas even that will be a significant cost.
“It also means those constituents who are confident their sanction will be overturned and who are banking on getting that before Christmas are waiting in vain - even though mandatory reconsideration decisions are supposed to be made within ten days of the complaint.
“That the only mandatory reconsiderations being looked at between now and January 9th are the cases where a local MP gets involved is shameful - every appeal should be treated with the same respect. I urge anyone who is concerned about their appeal being processed to urgently get in contact with my office and I will contact the DWP on their behalf.“Work and Pensions Secretary Damian Green must explain exactly why this appalling guidance is being implemented up and down the country and immediately call a halt to all benefit sanctions at Christmas.”
Campaigners are comparing Rt Hon Damian Green MP this Christmas to Ebenezer Scrooge the character in Dickins novel A Christmas Carol. Scrooge is a cold-hearted miser who despises Christmas.
Dickens described Scrooge in very unflattering terms: "The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice...”. Scrooges last name has come into the English language as a byword for miserliness and meanness of spirit. His catch phase is 'Ba Humbug'.
Executives
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Simon Collyer
Position: Founder & Director
Simon Collyer hails from Brightlingsea in Essex, a small town on the coast between Colchester & Clacton. Simon worked very successfully in the leisure marine industry in the UK and in Australia. Later in London Simon worked in the web development and publishing fields, founding a below-the-line sales promotion agency in the early nineties and then later a software company Red Banner in South Africa (2002-06). Here in South Africa, Simon became interested in the Third Sector and starting his own organisation.
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Christopher Johnson
Position: Bookkeeping and Administration
Chris lived in Oxford for twenty years, having been educated at Magdalen College School. Chris sought a career with British Rail and spent twenty years in railway retail management ending with Virgin Trains at Euston Station. Christopher retrained in bookkeeping and accounts in 2000 and now works for Chelmsford Community Transport.
A strong, enthusiastic team player with a meticulous eye for detail, Christopher brings a range of skills to the ABC.
Team
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Frances Rimmer
Position: Researcher
When not charming snakes Frances is a Modern History student at the University of Essex, focusing specifically on social history. The lives and experiences of the ordinary person rather than on politics or the military. Outside of her studies, Frances enjoys film and writing. As a keen roller skater who plays roller derby with the Kent Roller Girls, Frances secret wish would be to become a skating instructor and open her own rink, as she has always wanted to help people in some way, and feels it would be great to do so while also sharing her passion with like-minded people.
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Stuart Meyers
Position: Researcher
Stuart Meyer, is a final year American Studies student at the University of Essex. Stuart focussed his academic life on global justice and the rights of migrants. Additionally Stuart has a passion for writing, both creatively and with the aim of providing accessible information to those who need it most Stuart has made a great contribution to our library of Advice Guides demonstrating his versatility by writing intelligently on a wide range of topics.
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Louis Jones
Position: Film Maker
Louis is a 19 year old TV and film student studying at Colchester Institute. Along with hand-picked fellow students, Louis made the ‘Membership’ video that can be seen on the ABC website. Louis volunteers at, Hospital Radio Colchester, as a football commentator. A true fan of the ‘Great Game’ Louis insights have been sought after on occasions by key local media, the Colchester Daily Gazette & even BBC Essex.
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Marcus Pierpont
Position: Film Director
Talented student film maker, Marcus Pierpoint, directed the ABC 'Membership' film which can be seen on the organizations website. Marcus has recently graduated from a BTEC course, studying Creative Media Production at Colchester Institute and he claims a true passion for films and filmmaking. Marcus also enjoys radio work and volunteers at the local hospital radio station, producing and presenting his own show. Marcus is enrolled at the University of Greenwich, and dreams of a career in the media industry.
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Shane Mitchell
Position: Film Maker
Shane Mitchell, is another Colchester Institute Film and TV student that aspirers to be a Director of Photography in the future. Shane was the camera operator for the ABC Membership video, fun to make says Shane but it is also work he is very proud of. Shane loves all things ‘film’ and he makes videos even in his spare time.
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Joe Corlett
Position: Film Director
Ex-student script writer/director, Joe Corlett, directed the ABC's corporate video (About Us) which is now viewable on the main website. Joe graduated from the Colchester Institute with a BTEC diploma in the field of media. Joe is passionate towards film making and hopes to continue making more that are constructed form his own material. On the side he's loves being out jogging in all terrains and when not out side he's writing scripts for future projects. Joe is now out in the world ready to start his life goal of working in the Media industry.
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Jon Taylor
Position: Film Maker
Jonathan Taylor has been working in the media sector for 3 years and for our filming projects he worked as the production manager. John worked on graphical elements of our film, About Us for example, rendering images and making them look good on screen.
Jon is also experienced in animation and he made the logo and animation sequences in the ABC corporate videos.
Part of Jon’s brief was to also organise the administration side of filming, known collectively to admin experts the world over as ‘the paperwork’.
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Thomas Hearn
Position: Film Maker
Thomas Hearn, has been involved in media, for about three years. Tom likes to work a lot at a computer, particularly the editing suite. For the ABC project, Tom worked on the edit itself; created and pieced together both the footage and the music, Tom created the visual elements of the ABC ‘About Us’ video and put most of the visual effects on the video.
I think we can agree that along with the rest of our youthful student team; Tom has done a very fine job indeed.
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Max Gillard
Position: Film Maker
The last of our film team Max Gillard has recently finished college studying Creative Media Level 3 and Max hopes to continue the course on to University to someday gain a job in the media industry.
We wish Max the best of luck.
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Harry
Position: Film Maker
My name is Harry Genge and I am an aspiring film maker. I have skills in the majority of film orientated jobs, though I am most interested in the creative roles such: Directing, Director of Photography and Writing. In my spare time I make short films, write, read, draw/paint and take the dog out for long walks.
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Ned
Position: Producers
My name is Ned Woodcraft and I’m an aspiring Producer. As well as completing a diploma in media production I have also had a number of jobs in the professional market. I’m also a keen sailor and water sport enthusiast.
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Brandon
Position: Producer
My name is Brandon and I’m an aspiring producer and actor. I enjoy bringing a production together with planning and preparations to create a great finished product. My hobbies also include street magic and bass playing.
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Callum
Position: Writer and Director
My name is Callum Olive and I’m an aspiring writer and director. I’m always looking for a new project and love writing new stories and screenplays at home and on the move. My hobbies include playing the piano and street magic.
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Joanie DeMuro
Joanie joined ABC team in early 2017. She was one of six student volunteers from the University of Essex in that cohort. The student team focused on a range of projects, including creation of Wikipedia page,‘training manual’ and most importantly, researching and adding entries to the website directory of organisations that assist the unwaged, or those on low incomes. “This placement was very helpful - thanks for the opportunity Simon.”
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Cherry Lam
Cherry Lam has been volunteering for ABC for one month. Although it is a short period of time, she knows a lot more about the running of a charity organisation. Cherry is responsible for adding directories to the organisation website according to categories. Joining this placement helped her improving skills and gaining new experiences. Cherry says is extremely appreciative of the support she has received from ABC which allowed her to improve skills.
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